Dealing With Toxic Friends

One of the greatest compliments anyone can give me is, “you have such a good friend group, you all seem really close!” Why yes indeed I do. Within my closest friend circle, I feel like I have a place. I can literally count on them for anything and I know they will be there. We fight sometimes but it is always squashed immediately because we know each other too well and appreciate one another. Even when we eat each other’s food, wake each other up way too early in the morning, or text 10 times in a row to get a response, we really do love each other.

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I am also grateful that I have a lot of other great friends from many different areas of my life and I appreciate them all for everything they do for me (and for putting up with my constant whining!). I love my childhood best friend who lives a million miles away, I love the friends I’ve made through work, I love my sisters from my sorority, and I love my middle school best friends who know me way too well…

But it has taken me a long time to get here and a lot of really fake people before I found my #squad. I have dealt with the worst kinds of people and a lot of the time, it was my fault. I surrounded myself with people I thought I wanted to be like, and got burned in the end. So if you feel like you may be in a similar situation, keep reading.

You find yourself exhausted after hanging out with your friend(s)

Friends should lift you up and make you feel positive and grateful after spending time with them. If you find that the conversation seems to always be about something negative, or this friend never has anything nice to say about anyone, it could be time to have a chat… Some people tend to be more on the pessimist side (myself included) and sometimes need a reminder of all the good things they have in their life.

They are shady

If a friend is constantly being shady or sketchy – take this as a warning sign. Example: you lend them money and they are always making excuses about giving it back. Or they cancel on plans without a reason and you’re left wondering why you bothered in the first place. Try and find honest, genuine people to surround yourself with.

You never know where you stand

Ever feel like your tip-toeing around friends? Nervous you’re going to say the wrong thing and be deleted from the group chat? Upload a photo and wonder if your friends are making fun of you behind your back? Well I have and it sucks. Don’t be around people that make you question your self worth.

Passive-aggressive behaviour is a no

This is one of the biggest things I have learned since living with my best friends. There is no time for passive-aggressiveness in true friendships. No, that does not mean you have to confront them about every little thing, but if something is bothering you enough that you find yourself talking behind their back, bring up the issue with them! Don’t let it fester and ruin the relationship. This kind of toxic behaviour is negative for both sides.

If you’re reading this and you see any of these traits within your friend group, that does not mean you need to drop your entire circle and start over. It takes time to find a good support system.

If you do decide that enough is enough, you are allowed to cut ties. It is always hard to say goodbye to a friend but in the long run, you will be better off. Slowly decide who you value in your life and who values you.

That being said, always try and see the good in everyone and a little honest communicationย goes a long way.

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